turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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