I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's get the cat blown out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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