suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
