Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
