dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
