I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
