At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
