this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
