she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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