You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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