your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
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Is it because I queefed?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.