I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.