Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit