You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.