What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.