On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.