Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you

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  (203): Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you http://tfl.nu/hz3o
  Replies (15) Good night (1151) Bad night (592)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
  Replies (34) Good night (1530) Bad night (4806)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.

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  (954): We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles. http://tfl.nu/w60i
  Replies (38) Good night (6365) Bad night (838)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

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  (215): i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system. http://tfl.nu/14j2
  Replies (16) Good night (1257) Bad night (4117)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

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  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5990) Bad night (3000)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.

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  (283): she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love. http://tfl.nu/fwj8
  Replies (8) Good night (4434) Bad night (814)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.

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  (610): I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse. http://tfl.nu/qk0b
  Replies (32) Good night (1684) Bad night (16039)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

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  (+44): listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all. http://tfl.nu/7xa1
  Replies (8) Good night (1221) Bad night (2725)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

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  (970): You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/do61
  Replies (14) Good night (2001) Bad night (566)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher

  (312): View more from Illinois

  And maybe a life coach?

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  (303): So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher (312): And maybe a life coach? http://tfl.nu/dluc
  Replies (2) Good night (2188) Bad night (706)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore

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  (774): I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore http://tfl.nu/ac46
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (1181)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.

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  (773): Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check. http://tfl.nu/xi8q
  Replies (9) Good night (1878) Bad night (454)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.

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  (936): The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant. http://tfl.nu/br3c
  Replies (7) Good night (1084) Bad night (577)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic

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  (902): that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic http://tfl.nu/ua91
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (253)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.

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  (734): I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good. http://tfl.nu/zf2u
  Replies (2) Good night (268) Bad night (439)

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