Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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  (845): so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again.... http://tfl.nu/lj9p
  Replies (22) Good night (976) Bad night (5761)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

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  (620): How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline? http://tfl.nu/r7ot
  Replies (16) Good night (7431) Bad night (930)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.

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  (248): don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag. http://tfl.nu/8xve
  Replies (6) Good night (3789) Bad night (1219)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101

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  (972): My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101 http://tfl.nu/qihv
  Replies (23) Good night (4267) Bad night (694)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

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  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (10092) Bad night (1078)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

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  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (6070) Bad night (1311)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex

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  (608): i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex http://tfl.nu/mh19
  Replies (26) Good night (1675) Bad night (4248)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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  (757): sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk http://tfl.nu/2uta
  Replies (9) Good night (2414) Bad night (1428)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides

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  (617): I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides http://tfl.nu/z2rz
  Replies (2) Good night (1860) Bad night (709)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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  (949): I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled. http://tfl.nu/99xj
  Replies (5) Good night (1608) Bad night (1161)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We left the knife in your bed.

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  (780): We left the knife in your bed. http://tfl.nu/mwcc
  Replies (9) Good night (617) Bad night (1218)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead

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  (302): It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead http://tfl.nu/d4qx
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (401)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.

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  (978): I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors. http://tfl.nu/8d4k
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (327)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my vagina doesn't wear a watch

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  (774): Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak (603): my vagina doesn't wear a watch http://tfl.nu/ym75
  Replies (6) Good night (1274) Bad night (403)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick

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  (651): Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick http://tfl.nu/7fc7
  Replies (11) Good night (775) Bad night (808)

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