there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
