Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
