Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
