just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
