You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
