I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
