tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
