he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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