ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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