And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
