Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
