I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
