the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
