i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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