I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
