There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
