Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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