I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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