just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
