So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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