I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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