Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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