So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
