Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize