Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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