I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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