Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
