oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
