Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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