Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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