I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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