and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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