i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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