I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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