toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
