His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
