i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
