i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I touched a dick in church today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
