Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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