He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
