I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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