Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
