My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
