the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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