Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't turn off my feet"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
