I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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