I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
